Alexander Clennon
he/him, Jamaica, neurodivergent, Afro-Jamaican, transgender man, heterosexual, business man, writer, spiritual
(From an interview conducted over Email in 2020)
Alexander Clennon (he/him)
Alex here. I’m a 30 year old transgender man, living an alternative lifestyle full time, and committed to personal development. I have a wide array of interests and I have alternative opinions on the way our societies are structured. I’ve made it my point of duty to center my life around self discovery, working through trauma, and living an authentic life.
In spiritual terms, I am a human being led by my soul which has taken physical form in this lifetime. I'm healing my wounds from this and previous lifetimes. I'm here to learn lessons that I need to learn for my growth, to enjoy life, and to help humanity transition to living in a state of love full time.
I often think it would be cool if people could see life through my eyes. Prior to my first major spiritual awakening in 2016, my life wasn’t perfect but I had genuinely good moments. Looking back however, I see that life wasn’t as good as I had thought and that I was essentially not at peace or truly happy. Since 2016, it feels as though I attained a new baseline where no matter what the outside situation might be, I have a deep sense of peace and bliss. It’s constant, beautiful and I never dreamt that I could wake up everyday with these feelings. Based on how my life was before, I know everyone doesn’t feel this continuously and I often wish that everyone is able to. I want the people who never dreamt that life could actually be fulfilling, free and amazing to see that it is possible and that it comes first from within. The second thing I wish people could be able to appreciate through living in my shoes is how hard personal development can be. How I work through trauma and better myself is a FULL TIME commitment. I’m constantly working through thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions, and shadow work is not only exhausting but it can be dangerous. If you don’t know what you’re doing you can lose yourself and your mind.
My experience being transgender has been confusing, terrifying, freeing and fulfilling. It’s been confusing for most of my life because I couldn’t explain how I felt internally. Growing up in Jamaica people are extremely ignorant to gender and sexual issues. This occurs even in 2020, much less during the 90s when I was born. From as early as three, I can remember feeling that something was off with my gender. The feeling persisted until in high school when I eventually came out as a lesbian. That label didn't feel right but I didn't have many options so I went with it until I was about 23 or 24. My girlfriend at the time casually said to me one day, "Alex I don’t think you’re a lesbian, I think you’re trans." Something clicked, I started doing research and everything I’ve felt my whole life made sense. Starting testosterone made me realize how strong my gender dysphoria is and how uncomfortable I have been this entire time in my body. Being transgender has also caused sexual issues for me. By overcompensating for being born as a female when I internally feel male, I have over-suppressed my feminine side and it has caused dysfunction in my sexual life. The dysfunction is also complicated by a past history of childhood sexual abuse. I didn't feel comfortable receiving pleasure from women and the female aspects of my body also wanted to get physical pleasure from men, despite having no romantic feelings for them. That has been a huge struggle for me, but the more I work on the psychological causes of this disconnect and the more I transition, the more relief I get from this internal conflict. It also hasn't been easy to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community in Jamaica. Though I am not a person who is greatly affected by other people, it’s unpleasant to live in a society that discriminates against people due to their gender or sexuality. Negative aspects aside, I’m extremely grateful to be alive at this point in history where transitioning is achievable. I don’t know what I would have done had I not had the option to transition. It’s one of the best things I have ever done for myself. My quality of life and love for myself has grown tremendously. Despite everything, I still see things to be grateful for and I'm still able to envision a Utopia for trans people and for all people.
I became so fed up of living life in an unnatural state that I actually have an idea of what this Utopia could look like, because I have thought about it so often. An ideal society, in my opinion, is one where every citizen on the planet can easily and effortlessly gain access to their basic needs, where we have enough security and stability to grow into the people we were meant to be, where we don’t have to choose professions mainly based on a need to support ourselves and our ambitions, where people are sexually, mentally, psychologically, physically, financially and emotionally free.
As it relates to what we can do now to help create a better life for trans people, visibility and education are critical. The world needs to see more transgender people, hear our stories and be educated about what being transgender really is, the science behind it and so on. Science is slowly beginning to understand some pieces of the puzzle which is hopeful for the continuation of our integration into the wider society. Practical aspects of the transgender experience entering mainstream thought can be beneficial. We need to tackle real issues such as discrimination we may have faced, sexual issues, dating, getting a job, using restrooms, how we interact with our families, mental health issues, etc.
